Books on listening skills
Conversation by conversation you can discover in others emotions, hopes, fears, dreams and anxieties that make each of us unique. You can know others as they truly are, not as you assume they are or wish them to be and in turn they can get to know the real you too. Listen Like You Mean It — A book that will provide you with the roadmap to becoming a better listener. It is written by Ximena Vengoechea. She is a user researcher who she has spent nearly a decade facilitating hundreds of conversations at LinkedIn, Twitter and Pinterest. The author lays out a detailed action plan on getting started with empathetic listening and navigating the challenges associated with it. Richly interspersed with stories from the author’s life, its easy to relate every topic with your personal experiences. The book is extremely comprehensive and has touched upon all aspects of empathetic listening. Following are some topics that the book addresses. If we can’t hear what others mean or how they feel, we won’t be able to understand them A listening mindset helps see people for what they truly are. The author discusses how the following traits for cultivating a listening mindset:
2. Staying present in the conversation and not getting distractedTo stay present in conversations, following are some qualities that are necessary.
3. Going beyond words and listening to non verbal cuesObserving while you listen is very important trait of good listeners. It helps us understand reality because might not be willing or able to put everything in words.
These reveal their true intentions and emotions. 4. Deepening conversation through better questionsUse connecting questions to help your conversation partner go deeper into what they are saying. Connecting questions are open-ended and neutrally framed. These include:
On the other hand, avoid disconnecting questions. These are close ended and designed to elicit a specific response. They often lead to biased responses. 5. Getting comfortable with silence during conversationsTo be a good listener you need to get comfortable with silence rather than instinctively fill it with talk. During conversations, be silent just a hair longer than what seems comfortable. This often gives a space for your conversation partners to open up. 6. Confirming your comprehensionMany conversations are derailed simply because we misunderstood our conversation partners. To avoid this, practice the following:
7. Redirecting conversationsCertain times you might need to redirect a conversation. The reasons for this could include:
For each of these scenarios, the author shares useful tips for redirection. 8. Exiting conversations when they are taking a toll on youSometimes, we must exit conversations when they start eating into our time and energy. Some tactics for this include:
As a principle, we should try distancing ourselves from takers — people who always take energy in conversations. Instead, we should try to maximize conversations with people who uplift, inspire and encourage us. 9. Having difficult conversations in certain relationshipsThe nature of certain relationships might make it difficult to have honest, open conversations. Some of these relationships include:
10. Having conversations around sensitive topicsDiscussion around taboo topics is especially tricky. This is because it goes against social & cultural norms. These could include topics like: salary, unemployment, religion etc. But sometimes having these conversations is unavoidable. Following tips can be useful in this regard.
This is a highly recommended read for anyone looking to level up their listening skills in order to develop stronger relationships and become more effective in life & work! |