Verbal active listening skills
Active listening refers to a pattern of listening that keeps you engaged with your conversation partner in a positive way. It is the process of listening attentively while someone else speaks, paraphrasing and reflecting back what is said, and withholding judgment and advice. Show
When you practice active listening, you make the other person feel heard and valued. In this way, active listening is the foundation for any successful conversation. Features of Active ListeningActive listening involves more than just hearing someone speak. When you practice active listening, you are fully concentrating on what is being said. You listen with all of your senses and give your full attention to the person speaking. Below are some features of active listening:
In this way, active listening is the opposite of passive hearing. When you listen actively, you are fully engaged and immersed in what the other person is saying. Much like a therapist listening to a client, you are there to act as a sounding board rather than ready to jump in with your own ideas and opinions about what is being said. The PurposeActive listening serves the purpose of earning the trust of others and helping you to understand their situations. Active listening comprises both a desire to comprehend as well as to offer support and empathy to the speaker. It differs from critical listening, in that you are not evaluating the message of the other person with the goal of offering your own opinion. Rather, the goal is simply for the other person to be heard, and perhaps to solve their own problems. Active listening means not engaging in unhelpful listening habits such as the following:
Benefits of Active ListeningEstablishing the habit of active listening can have many positive impacts on your life. RelationshipsActive listening has many benefits in your relationships. It allows you to understand the point of view of another person and respond with empathy. It also allows you to ask questions to make sure you understand what is being said. Finally, it validates the speaker and makes them want to speak longer. It's not hard to see how this type of listening would benefit relationships. Being an active listener in a relationship means that you recognize that the conversation is more about your partner than about you. This is especially important when a relationship partner is distressed. Your ability to listen actively to a partner going through a difficult time is a valuable skill. In addition, active listening helps relationships in that you will be less likely to jump in with a "quick fix" when the other person really just wants to be heard. WorkActive listening at work is particularly important if you are in a supervisory position or interact with colleagues. Active listening allows you to understand problems and collaborate to develop solutions. It also reflects your patience, a valuable skill in any workplace. Effective Problem-Solving Strategies and Common Obstacles Social SituationsIn social situations, active listening will benefit you as you meet new people. Asking questions, seeking clarification, and watching body language are all ways to learn more about the people whom you meet. When you listen actively, the other person is also likely to speak to you for a longer time. This makes active listening one of the best ways to turn acquaintances into friends. Get Advice From The Verywell Mind PodcastHosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares the value of listening to others, featuring psychiatrist Mark Goulston. Follow Now:Apple Podcasts/Spotify/Google Podcasts/RSS Tips for Practicing Active ListeningThe following tips will help you to become a better active listener:
Example Dialogue With Active ListeningBelow is an example of what active listening might look like. Lisa: I'm sorry to dump this on you, but I had a fight with my sister and we haven't spoken since. I'm upset and don't know who to talk to. Jodie: No problem! Tell me more about what happened? Lisa: Well, we were arguing about what to do for our parents' anniversary. I'm still so angry. Jodie: Oh that's tough. You must feel upset that you're not speaking because of it. Lisa: Yes, she just makes me so angry. She assumed I would help her plan this elaborate partyI don't have time! It's like she couldn't see things from my perspective at all. Jodie: Wow, that's too bad. How did that make you feel? Lisa: Frustrated. Angry. Maybe a bit guilty that she had all these plans and I was the one holding them back. Finally, I told her to do it without me. But that's not right either. Jodie: Sounds complicated. I bet you need some time to sort out how you feel about it. Lisa: Yes, I guess I do. Thanks for listening, I just needed to vent. What the Research SaysIn a 2011 study, it was found that active listening was primarily associated with verbal social skills rather than nonverbal skills, suggesting that being an active listener has more to do with being an effective conversational partner rather than an ability to regulate nonverbal and emotional communication. What does this mean if you live with social anxiety? People who are active and empathic listeners are good at initiating and maintaining conversations. If you develop your active listening skills, you will improve your conversational ability. But don't expect that to help reduce any symptoms of anxiety you normally feel in social situations. You will need to address your anxiety separately, through therapy or another form of treatment, in order for your active listening skills to shine through. How Poor Communication Causes Stress How to Encourage Active ListeningWhat if you are the one speaking and the other person isn't being an active listener? All of us have been in a situation where the person listening to us was distracted or disinterested. The following are some tips to help you with this situation:
A Word From VerywellActive listening is an important social skill that has value in a variety of social settings. Practice this skill often and it will become easier for you. If you find it hard to engage in active listening, consider whether there might be something getting in the way, such as social anxiety or problems with inattention. If you regularly find yourself unable to listen effectively, you might benefit from social skills training or reading a self-help book on interpersonal skills. An Overview of Social Skills Training |